Shrink Yo'Self Weigh in #4

I feel like it was a great week. My husband is on board with weight loss too, and that makes it SOOOO much easier. We have conversations about what we ate, how many points (even though he is not officially doing WW, he is following along with me- he has no idea how many points he is allowed, but figures it's a few more than me.

On Saturday at my WW weigh in, I learned that my home scale is off by .4lbs from theirs. I weighed myself in my clothes right before I walked out the door and was .4lbs heavier at the meeting. Good thing to know!

I got back to running this week and am hoping to be back on track with running 2-3 miles straight withing a few weeks!

Here are the numbers:

Starting Weight 1*3.8
Last Week 1*0.0
This week 1*8.0
Weekly Loss 2.0

Total Loss 5.8

Shrink YoSelf Weigh-In #3

I re-joined Weight Watchers on Saturday in order to help me on this journey. After the births of my first two kids, it was very helpful in losing the "baby weight". Well my last baby will be four this April, and I am still carrying around the weight I should have lost after she was born AND before I got pregnant!

The point structure has changed a little bit, but the concepts are the same. What is great is that I can use the app on my iPhone to keep track of points, etc. The first few days have not been very difficult. However, the WW scale is different than my bathroom scale. This week, I'm going to have to weigh myself in my clothes right before heading out the door to the meeting just so I can figure out what the difference is...and not be so depressed when my weight is more at the meeting.

One of the big things I struggle with is the amount my weight fluctuates on a daily basis. I can be down 3 lbs and then overnight gain back almost all of it. It is a constant battle. Maybe I Shouldn't get on the scale so often, I don't know. So this week was not great, despite the WW tracking of points. Maybe when I weigh in on Saturday with them I will see greater changes. I was up a few pounds over the weekend, but have dropped back down to where I was last Wednesday.

I worked out 6 days this past week, and hope to keep that up (part of why I am so frustrated with the lack of weight loss though!). After two weeks of just getting back to the gym, I started running on the treadmill again. I had to dial it down quite a bit, but am hoping to get back to running 2-3 miles soon!

Starting Weight 1*3.8
Last Week 1*0.8
This Week 1*0.8
Weekly Loss 0.0

Total Loss 3.0

Shrink YoSelf Weigh In #2

Week two and I'm feeling ok. While I lost a few pounds right away, I did mess things up over the weekend. I had one day of not so great eating and have spent the last three days trying to undo it!

I did stick with the workout challenges. I did at least 35-40 min of vigorous activity for 4 days this week. I hope to do at least that much each week, and hopefully increase it. I totally slammed my water this week too!

The last week or so, I've been just working out on the Elliptical or doing Zumba in the basement. Next week I plan on getting back to running.

So, here are the numbers for this week:

Starting 1*3.8
Last week 1*1.4
This week 1*0.8
Weekly loss 0.6

Total Challenge loss 3.0

Here we go again

I'm a little late in posting my annual New Year's goals/resolutions post. But better late than never, right.

I was a little disappointed in my year last year. Turning 40 was a huge milestone for me and I didn't get to where I wanted to be (mentally & physically) by my deadline. However, I am not going to let that stop me. Here are my goals for the coming year:

Get back on track with exercising regularly
Begin running again
Run a 5K
Focus on healthy eating as a family
Have more one-on-one dates with my girls
Schedule regular date nights with my husband
Socialize more with friends
Keep the house tidy longer
Pay down debt

I've really decided that this is the year of me. In order for me to feel good about myself, I need to get physically and mentally in better shape. I need more quality time with the people I love (including myself!).

As a mom, it is so easy to lose yourself in your children and their activities. Between working full time and parenting 3 kids, I rarely have time for me. What that results in is meals on the go, little time for exercise, and the pounds start creeping up. That also results in mom being cranky and snippy and quick to lose her temper. I hate yelling at my kids and I absolutely need to fix that.

I want to rejoin Weight Watchers, and will hopefully get to do that this weekend. Of course, finding the time to make it to a meeting is a struggle. My husband is on board with all of this, so that definitely helps.

I am also back on the wagon with the Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans! The initial weigh-in was on Jan 1, but I waited until after my New Year's meal of pork and sauerkraut!

My weigh-in on Monday was depressing, I have put on so much weight that I am now at my heaviest in a while. However, with my new goals, I am determined to fix this now! I've been really good about tracking my calories and have worked out everyday this week, so far.

Here's the numbers so far:
Starting weight 1*3.8
This week 1*1.4
Weekly loss -2.4

Total Loss -2.4

Here's to 2012, the year of ME!

40

Today I turn 40.

Up until a few weeks ago, I really didn't see this as a big deal. I still really don't. I'm not devastated to be turning 40. Hell, I don't even feel like 40 is OLD. I can't really put my finger on what the problem is, but I definitely feel off.

I don't know if it's hormones or a "mid-life crisis", but I am not feeling happy about lots of things right now. Since I have no other things to blame it on, it must be the fact that I have this "momentous" birthday.

I feel like, nothing I do is right. That I haven't reached goals I feel like I should. That something is empty or unfulfilled. As I said before, I can't put my finger on what it is, but I'm not happy about it.

I'm sure I could chalk it up to the fact that I've got three young kids, a husband, a job and volunteering responsibilities that have me pulled in 17 different directions. But I don't know. I have friends with similar responsibilities, and they seem fine. But then again, I wonder if I seem fine to them

Don't get me wrong. I love my husband and my kids. My job is great. It's just that something seems off.

I often feel as though my husband and kids don't appreciate me. I know that they do, it's just that I don't feel it. Ever since I was a little girl, I have needed the validation, the hugs, the "I love you's". I can't explain it, I just crave it. Maybe it's the middle child thing (as I feel as though my middle child is the same way). The thing is, even though I know how my family feels about me, I don't get the validation (except from the littlest one) very often. I'm always fighting with the older two, or they are fighting with each other. It's exhausting. There are times that my husband and I just interact like roommates raising children. I can't tell you the number of times, we've spent evenings in silence, him on his ipad, me on my laptop.

so, instead of looking to the positive, I find myself dwelling on the negative, the goals unmet, relationships unfulfilled.

My kids fight all the time

I can't keep my house clean

There are always bills to pay

I am ungrateful when my husband buys me a gift and I focus on how it is not exactly what I had in mind

I haven't' come anywhere close to my fitness/weight goals

I am hoping that once this day is past, I can get out of the funk that I seem to be in.

ghany girl

They say that the sense of smell can bring back long forgotten memories. They are so true.

As a pre-teen, I had the pleasure of attending Camp Alleghany, a camp for girls in West Virginia. My mother had once been a counselor at this camp and I had heard so many stories of her time there.

I remember being completely nervous and anxious heading off on the charter bus, but so excited for my new experiences.

I attended 'Ghany for three years (not consecutively, as my sister had the chance to go as well). They were the most amazing summers of my life. I had never attended a sleep away camp before, or since, so I don't really know if my experiences there are unique to this camp or not; I would like to believe that they are.

I try explaining why 'Ghany is such a great place to my husband, and he ends up looking at me as though I were crazy (he may be right, but not about camp). Even as I write this, I have a hard time coming up with words to describe and explain why Camp is so special to me.

This past Sunday, I had the pleasure of taking my oldest daughter for her first Camp Alleghany experience- a week of Mini Camp, allowed for first timers. As we stood on the banks of the Greenbrier River waiting for the Barge to ferry us over to Camp, so many emotions filled my heart. The sound of the Barge scraping the ramp was such a welcome sound. Sarah and her friend (who chose to attend Camp with her) were filled with nervous energy and couldn't wait to get across the river.

As the Barge neared the opposite side of the river, the line of counselors dressed in Blues & Whites, linked arm in arm, greeted us with a familiar song..."A welcome we're singing to you today..." Tears welled in my eyes as I remembered being serenaded in a similar fashion many years ago.

Once we were checked in at the store and the infirmary, we walked to Junior Camp to tent row. The second I entered her tent, I was smacked in the face with a such a familiar scent, it nearly knocked me over. The aroma of the tent alone transported me back 25 years to when I was a camper. It was amazing: the campfires, vespers, the walk through the woods to the dining hall, dances with Greenbrier boys, drama productions, the Old Johns, assemblies, hospital corners & inspections, Blue/Gray competitions (go Gray!), mail call, Cooper, Frannie, glass bottles of coke & fireballs at the store after dinner, peppermint patties & peanut butter, lunch under the apple tree. Big sigh!

I am positive that my daughters now think I am crazy, but I am hoping that Sarah will now have a glimpse into why!

flashbacks

Growing up, I was not part of the "popular group". I spent many years during my adolescence wondering if people liked me. Trying to wear the right clothes, do the right things, have the right "stuff", so that I could be like those girls everyone flocked to.

I was overweight and short with frizzy hair that wouldn't do a damn thing. Eventually, I found my circle of friends and was fine. But there was always that nagging feeling in the back of my mind and in the bottom of my heart of "am I good enough?"


As I got older, I gained much more confidence and the world around me seemed to care less that I wasn't Ms. Perfect. I dated, I married, I had kids. I have a job I enjoy and usually I feel pretty confident about who I am.

Every now and again, something happens to rip me open and expose that little girl who feels left out. I begin to question if I'm part of circles that I thought I was. I wonder, do people really like me, or are they just pretending. Basically, my self-esteem gets so flipped I begin to question things.


This week, I had two of these situations happen. One left me scratching my head, the other pissed me off completely. I am sure that the parties involved had no intention of slighting me and I am manufacturing the problems in my own messed up head. But, how do I really know? The questions keep surfacing. As grown up as I try to be, the little left-out girl in me still surfaces--wanting to be part of the "popular group", wanting to have close relationships with the "cool people", wanting to be someone that others want to be with, not just a hanger on.