Am I happy?

Last week I wrote about the Happiness Project. A blogger I have been reading for a while now decided to lead a few of us down a journey exploring happiness and what it means for us. The assignment this week is to answer three questions:

Why are you doing this project?
What is your history in trying to be more happy?
What does happiness look like for you?

I'm not sure what happiness looks like for me, completely. I have a great marriage, 3 beautiful and healthy girls, a job that challenges me, a great home and wonderful family nearby. When I think of other people I know who have more difficult life circumstances, I am happy that my life seems so good. Then, of course, there is always the flip side.

When I look at the big picture, I think I'm happy. Do I feel happy on a daily basis? Not very often. I know for a fact that even though I am considered by many friends to be very patient, I actually lose it quite often with my kids. I hate the constant strife there is at home. I hate the yelling and subsequent tears that are inevitable on an almost daily basis. I hate that I don't have the time to just BE with my kids and give them the individual attention they need. I want to be able to do things with them, but am often "too busy" with checking homework, cleaning, laundry, cooking, paying bills, etc. I hate how stressed I get knowing that some aspect of my life is always getting the short end of the stick, and too often, it is my kids.

This project is not about focusing on what I hate, however, so I need to figure out what happy would look like to me. I know that happiness has got to have less stress and more me time. What has worked for me in the past has been to be able to find just a little bit of time to recharge my own batteries so that I can be a better mom to my kids. You know what they say...happy mommy, happy family. Or maybe they don't say that, but I certainly will!